The Big 1

Dear Kinley,

First of all, happy birthday my sweet baby girl! I have been saying this a lot lately, and I know it sounds completely cliché, but I really can't believe it has already been one year since you came into our lives! It seems like not that long ago I was snapping pictures of you in my big belly and being so anxious and nervous for your arrival. I remember thinking the day that I went into the hospital that I was finally going to get to meet you. I wasn't apprehensive or scared about the inevitable painful process of your birth, I just couldn't wait to finally meet you, to hold you in my arms and kiss you and to tell you that you were mine. Seeing your face for the very first time is something I will never forget. You looked nothing like I imagined. You looked more beautiful than anything I could have imagined. Both Dad and I kept saying, "she is too beautiful to be ours."

Let's get down to business  before this mushy letter continues. You now weigh 16 lbs. I have no idea how tall you are yet, but we will find out soon at your one year check up. Your eyes are still blue and your hair is still brown and continuing to grow. Not long enough to put in a ponytail or anything, but it's still growing. You crawl around and get into everything. You love to touch everything. Your favorite things to grab are anything electronic. Remotes, cell phones, computers, etc. You enjoy walks and being outside. You are a major flirt, already, always flirting with boys, big or small it doesn't matter. They acknowledge you and you immediately put on the charm. I pity the boys who will fawn over you in later years. You are chatty as ever. You are learning to say "yes" at the moment and you are wiggly as ever! You are still a pretty good eater, but you haven't been a fan of your formula these days. I am hoping you will have a different attitude towards cows milk, or you might just end up like your mommy not really caring for the stuff.

This past month as your birthday has been approaching I have been able to reflect on this past year with you in our lives. To say that you turned out world upside down seems like an understatement. I never knew the capacity of my love towards another until I met you. This past year has been one of the best and hardest years of my life. There were so many times where I laughed and cried and screamed out of joy and anger all in one day. My patience has definitely been put to the test. Some moments my patience succeeded and other moments it didn't. A lot of days felt like I had lost all my sanity completely. And then there were days or moments when I would just sit back and think, "How did I get so lucky? How lucky am I to have this precious little girl in my arms and to be her mom?"
I feel so blessed to have a little girl who is as snuggly and affectionate as you. I think I needed that and you delivered, perfectly.

I'm sure I could go on and say a million other things about you. But Kinley, what I want you to know most is that you are truly one of the greatest blessings I have ever received in my life. I still have mornings where I wake up and am in disbelief that I am actually a mom. It's been a dream of mine to be a mom for so long, and now that it's here it doesn't seem real. I hope you know that I am always trying my best. Some days I feel like I don't have a handle on motherhood at all, but you know? That means I get to fly by the seat of my pants, and I love that.

 I love you more than you will ever know, sweet girl. I have loved this year with you and I can't wait for the many more years ahead that I have with you. Both Dad and I tell each other every day how lucky we are to have you in our lives. Happy FIRST birthday, Kinley Rae!!! Here's to many more!

Love, Mom